The (Imaginary) Tony Award for Best Song: 2003-2013
A thought experiment from the Intelligent Showmosexual between reviews...
Scroll past the second photo to skip to the song selections!
Over the last couple of weeks, work obligations have precluded me from finalizing reviews of a few productions that I’m cramming in before the Tony Awards on June 7. However, it hasn’t all been cosmetically corrected nose to the grindstone. In the midst of various professional demands, my amazing mother came to town for a “Broadway bonanza” (her words, not mine) in celebration of her 80th birthday. With her, I revisited (her choices, not mine)—
Chess: Nicholas Christopher is even better, Hannah Cruz is trying VERY hard to win that Tony, and though the writing remains a mess, I managed to enjoy it more by viewing it through a lens of great tunes and great eye candy (my friend Steven’s expression, not mine).
Chicago: Still the best musical comedy on Broadway (and maybe in the entire canon), the 29-year-old production was not a bit tired thanks to its current cast of non-celebrities but genuine triple-threats, including Rachel Schur, a hilarious Roxie, and Sophie Carmen-Jones, a knockout Velma.
Just in Time: Although the musical is now ably anchored by Jeremy Jordan, who isn’t as fun or vulnerable as Jonathan Groff but sings Bobby Darin’s songs even better, the evening belonged to Isa Briones, a powerhouse as Connie Francis...get this woman in a musical of her own!
Rather than remain silent while I tweak the posts sitting in my drafts folder, I figured now was a great time to continue the running feature in which I imagine what the nominations and winners would be if there were a Tony Award for Best Song in a Musical.
As I looked at songs in the new musicals that ran on Broadway from 2003-2013, it really hit me—even more than it did as I wrote about the musicals from 2014-2025—that this fictitious category would need clear criteria as to what constitutes the best song. Is it the catchiest tune? The most memorable lyrics? The song that would work best out of context? The song that best deepens a character or drives the action? Or maybe the song that checks the most of these boxes? I can’t say I defined the criteria as I made my selections, which were still mostly based on a gut or vibe check, but I am curious what others feel. Please sound off in the comments below or DM me!
The nominees and winners for the Nonexistent Tony Award for Best Original Song in a Musical are…
(Winners linked and underlined)
The 67th Annual Tony Awards in 2013
“Joy of the Lord” from Hands on a Hardbody
“The History of Wrong Guys” from Kinky Boots
“Land of Lola” from Kinky Boots
“Not My Father’s Son” from Kinky Boots
“Naughty” from Matilda
Making a CHOICE here to link a bootleg of my favorite Lola, replacement and eventual Tony winner J. Harrison Ghee, rather than the OG Billy Porter or the professionally taped London production.
The 66th Annual Tony Awards in 2012
No award given
What a terrible year for original scores. The winner was Newsies, and the other nominees were Bonnie & Clyde, One Man, Two Guvnors, and Peter and the Starcatcher.
The 65th Annual Tony Awards in 2011
“You and Me (But Mostly Me)” from The Book of Mormon
“Go Back Home” from The Scottsboro Boys
“Fabulous, Baby” from Sister Act
“Lady in the Long Black Dress” from Sister Act
“Take Me to Heaven” from Sister Act
“Invisible” from Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown
Despite The Book of Mormon’s domination of the 65th Annual Tony Awards, I believe the other musicals I’ve listed here all have stronger scores, and each has several fantastic songs that I’ve not included.
The 64th Annual Tony Awards in 2010
“The Moon and Me” from The Addams Family
“Steal Your Rock ‘N’ Roll” from Memphis
OOF…another rough year for original scores.
The 63rd Annual Tony Awards in 2009
“Electricity” from Billy Elliot: The Musical
“I Miss the Mountains” from Next to Normal
“Light” from Next to Normal
“Superboy and the Invisible Girl” from Next to Normal
“You Don’t Know/I Am the One” from Next to Normal
“I Think I Got You Beat” from Shrek: The Musical
A great year for original songs—I had a tough time making a pick here.
The 62nd Annual Tony Awards in 2008
“Screw Loose” from Cry-Baby
“Benny’s Dispatch” from In the Heights
“Blackout” from In the Heights
“It Won’t Be Long Now” from In the Heights
“I Want the Good Times Back” from The Little Mermaid
The 61st Annual Tony Awards in 2007
“I Miss the Music” from Curtains
“Around the World” from Grey Gardens
“So Much Better” from Legally Blonde
“The Bitch of Living” from Spring Awakening
“Totally Fucked” from Spring Awakening
Another great year with a lot of underrated options
The 60th Annual Tony Awards in 2006
“The Color Purple” from The Color Purple
“I’m Here” from The Color Purple
“Push da Button” from The Color Purple
“Love is Always Lovely in the End” from The Drowsy Chaperone
“Show Off” from The Drowsy Chaperone
If you only saw Fantasia in the film adaptation of The Color Purple musical, I encourage you to watch the linked clip. The film made some terrible choices in repositioning the song that took a lot of the emotion out of it.
This year highlights the frequent challenge that comedies face in awards ceremonies. It’s hard to think of a more delightful contemporary charm song than “Show Off,” but even harder to resist the emotional wallop of “I’m Here.”
The 59th Annual Tony Awards in 2005
“The I Love You Song” from The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee
“Here I Am” from Dirty Rotten Scoundrels
“The Beauty Is” from The Light in the Piazza
“Fable” from The Light in the Piazza
“The Light in the Piazza” from The Light in the Piazza
“You Won’t Succeed on Broadway” from Spamalot
Another great year with another battle between superbly sincere and silly selections
The 58th Annual Tony Awards in 2004
“Everyone’s a Little Bit Racist” from Avenue Q
“For Now” from Avenue Q
“I Hate the Bus” from Caroline, or Change
“Lot’s Wife” from Caroline, or Change
“Defying Gravity” from Wicked
“Popular” from Wicked
Without question, the best year in this bracket and absolutely the hardest for me to make a pick, especially without criteria—
“Lot’s Wife” is probably the most powerful and intelligent eleven o’clock number since “Rose’s Turn,” but it really does not work well out of context, which is true of a lot of Caroline, or Change’s exquisite score (it really hurt to exclude “Roosevelt Petrucious Coleslaw,” “Salty Teardrops,” and “Underwater”).
“Defying Gravity” and “Popular” have both become iconic.
Both songs from Avenue Q are laugh-out-loud funny, but surprisingly wise, as are several of its other songs that I didn’t have space to include.
Taboo isn’t even represented here, despite having a highly underrated, terrific score with gems like “Stranger in This World,” “Safe in the City,” “I’ll Have You All,” “Petrified,” and “Il Adore.”
The 57th Annual Tony Awards in 2003
“I Can Hear the Bells” from Hairspray
“Mama, I’m a Big Girl Now” from Hairspray
“Run and Tell That” from Hairspray
“You Can’t Stop the Beat” from Hairspray
This being another weak year—Amour’s was the strongest of the season’s offerings besides Hairspray, but it doesn’t include anything even near the level of these five songs—doesn’t take away from the excellence of Hairspray’s score.
That’s it for now. We’ll return to our regular programming sooner rather than later with reviews of something old and something new, the latter of which could be described as borrowed and the former of which could be described as blue. Don’t forget to let me know what your song choices for this bracket would be!
Remember when we saw The Addams Family together? I remember how you almost got into a physical altercation with a guy for shushing his constantly-talking date, but absolutely *nothing* about what happened on stage. I was surprised to see it on here, but as you say, a very weak year.
once again, some ::chef's kiss:: choices! this is reads like the contents of my ipod nano during this era. One of the few good things that happened on twitter was one time I said "ironically, thanks to Anika Noni Rose, I actually love the bus," and she responded "that's so nice to hear." I do have a kneejerk aversion to "Not My Father's Son," but only because my chorus sang it at anything that wasn't a holiday concert for like 5 years, and I just can't even think about listening ever again.